Monday, February 11, 2008

Would you like to be my neighbor?

There’s this guy who obsessively walks (or bikes, in the summer) the road that goes by our house. I’ve driven past him when I leave for work at 6:00 a.m., and I’ve driven past him when coming home from doing errands at 9:00 p.m. He’s always given me an odd feeling, just because I don’t really know what his deal is. He stops at the side of the road when he sees a car coming, and then watches it drive by. When I look in my rearview mirror, I can see him turned around, still watching me.

A couple of years ago, when I first noticed him, I made a point of driving past our house if he was around, because I didn’t want him to see where I turned in. After awhile, that got to be too much trouble so I gave it up. I figure, if anyone breaks into our house, I have a prime suspect and everyone who lives on our road would be able to give a good description of him. I think maybe a little chocolate would taste good with my paranoia.

Last summer, Ron, Sammy, and I went for a walk down our street. It’s a winding, two-mile road, and at one end it is very secluded and woodsy. We rounded a bend to see a deer lying in the road. That’s not all that unusual in our neck of the woods, but as we got closer, I could see her stomach heaving. She was still alive, and obviously in a lot of pain. It was a really hot day besides, and she was lying in full sun. Every few seconds, she’d fling her legs and try to stand up, to no avail. It was especially tragic because it was obvious she was still nursing a little one, so the baby was most likely going to die too, when its mother didn’t come home.

Neither Ron nor I had brought our cell phones with, and there were no occupied houses close by. Lo and behold, who should come biking down the road but Creepy Guy. Ron went over to talk to him, while I kept my distance. Pretty soon, Ron came back with a business card, of all things. Apparently Creepy Guy goes by the title of “Nehborhod gofhur”. He had the number for the sheriff on his cell phone (don’t we all?) and placed the call.

I’m not really sure why we need a Nehborhod Gofhur, but I should find out when the election is coming up. I'm working on a slogan. Maybe, “More gofhuring with less creepiness.”

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